White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i was born a porn star she said
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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