And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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