Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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