im having a threesome with these popsicles
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
