Who wears a wallet chain?!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
