I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
