Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize