I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
