I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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