I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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