I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.