I just threw up on my dentist
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on