When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?