I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
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He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
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3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now