i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
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Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.