i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
