If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
