he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
