Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
time to smoke my breakfast
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
