my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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