Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
