Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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