Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
