God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
