so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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