my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
