I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
honey bunches of taint.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
