I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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