God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
