OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
