A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
