Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
