just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
