Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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