Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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