I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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