puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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