When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
