Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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