I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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