I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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