Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
