I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize