I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
