I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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