I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
