his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
