It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
