Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
thus making me awesome and them whores
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize