Plan B is the new Plan A
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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