college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My feet surprised me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
