belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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