I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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