Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
