I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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