Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
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i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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