one might say we're banned from that church
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
