he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
