So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
