So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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