dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
