In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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