You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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